Thelma, shhh, don’t say a word,
but I heard that Fanny over on Fifth street
is the biggest gossip you ever heard of.
They say she’s mean spirited
with not a good thing to say about
anyone. What do you make of it?
Oh, Louise, you know how people talk,
I don’t think she’s that bad at all,
A little dowdy maybe and lacking in graces,
and her face is always made up too thick
for my taste. Now that you mention
it, she probably does tell tales and talk about
others behind their backs. I hate people like that.
Oh, Thelma, I know what you mean!
Did you see Letty Green at the florist’s today?
I think she buys herself roses just to make her beau
jealous. Do you suppose that is so? I don’t know,
but she’s another one to watch out for.
Lou, indeed it is so, and old Mrs. Tucker,
with her pills and bad ticker, Dear Lord, spare
me please; she can be such a pain. Poor thing,
I’m sure it’s a terrible strain to be stuck in that room
with no one to talk to. I bet she stays on the phone
gossiping all day long. No doubt it is true!
Thelma, why can’t the world be more like me and you,
Always so giving towards anything living and never a bad word
about anyone? Oh dear, did you see that bum in the gutter,
someone or other ought to drag him away. We don’t want that kind
on the streets of our town. If he is hungry, let him get a job,
and as for old Bob…someone should tell him to bathe,
and that pickpocket Jim, they ought to hang him. Claims it was
mistaken identity, then showed them a toll ticket from the road
to Missouri, and they bought it. They really should hang him, even
if it was somebody that looked like him. Hang them both to be sure.
Oh, Louise, I don’t know what the world is coming to anymore.
Godfearing girls like you and me sit here alone while that phony
school marm has a beau that comes calling. I’ve heard she’s easy,
that’s what it must be. She really is much too thin,
said Thelma adjusting her chins.
Thelma, dear, I believe you’re gaining weight.
No Louise, but I was just noticing your dress is too tight.
(and the meeting was adjourned)